What I Thought Used to be a Nightmare

by Alexis
(Lockport, IL, USA)

I read the pregnancy test and burst into tears when it stated positive.

It kept re playing in my mind in big letters: POSITIVE.

I had told my boyfriend two days later when I calmed down a bit, he had said he would stay with me, which for me, was a huge relief.

Next was to tell my single mother who I had been playing innocent with for months and had not even known I had a boyfriend.

When I told her she screamed at me but over a couple of weeks she asked me in a calm voice "Adoption or Parenting?"

I was stunned.

I had been in school and dealing with that was hard enough, I hadn't really thought about that question.

I said adoption after long minutes of silence.

However, it was a lie. I wanted this baby.

I was already showing and had my first appointment with my doctor. When I saw my baby in me, I knew that I definitely was not going to put him or her up for adoption.

Four months into my pregnancy I had a stupid thought come into my head of dropping out of school. That thought changed immediately, and it wasn't because I wanted a better life for me, I needed money for my baby.

My boyfriend started working a job at a nearby Walmart.

I decided I wanted a profession, even though the thought of having a baby then going off to college right after would seem impossible.

My mother was looking up adoption services and I knew it was time to tell her how I felt. I told her I wanted to keep the baby and surprisingly she said she wanted whatever I was comfortable but to still put some thought into adoption.

My due date was in January and I knew I wouldn't be able to finish the semester. Only three more months until this baby came, we had figured out it was a girl and I already wanted her name to be Faith because I knew I would have faith in her to make the right decisions in the future.

My mother had given me $900 to spend on the baby, this included a crib, bottles, a high chair, blankets, toys, food, and diapers.

After the shopping I moved into my boyfriend's apartment because it had more space than my mom's house.

When we were done me and my boyfriend both cuddled with each other and talked about the baby. He put hid hand on my tummy and said he loved her.

I felt complete now.

It was two days before my baby had been born and we went to the hospital right before I started having labor. They put lots of medicine in me which helped the pain go away but made me feel dizzy.

I was happy to see my boyfriend, my mom, my grandma, and my friend Cassie right by my side.

The doctor said it was time and told my to push hard, lean forward, and hold my breath for 200 paces. I didn't know what that meant but when my mother demonstrated it for me I knew I had no choice but to do it.

I gave birth to a healthy baby girl at 4:56 am on January 6th of 2009.

What I thought had been a nightmare turned out to be the most amazing thing in my life.

I don't know what I would do without her.