Unable To Go Back

by Anonymous
(Midwest, USA)

I had been dating Bob for 6 months when I found out I was pregnant.

Bob didn't want me to have a baby considering we were only 18 and 19, and he thought that this is just a second chance.

I didn't want to give up the life was inside of me.
I didn't know who to turn to.

My family is Catholic and against abortions, and the people I usually turn to were also against abortions.

The only person I could tell was Bob and a few friends who I knew had abortions in the past. They all encouraged me to have an abortion and no matter my view on it, I felt highly pressured to have one.

I looked on the Internet and found a clinic in Ohio.
I was so scared.

I had the abortion October of 2000.
I don't remember much of it because they gave me something to relax, through an IV.

I do remember telling them that it hurt, even if I can't remember the pain it must have been very painful because if I am saying it hurt when I had something to relax me, it must have been horrible.

When the abortion was finished they took me into the recovery room where several girls were. Bob was unable to come in with me because it would be uncomfortable for the other girls in there.

The nurse asked me if I wanted to see what they took out and I said yes. It didn't look like much, but I felt emptiness.

I was in pain for weeks after wards; bad cramping and spotting. I called to make sure it was normal and they said as long as I don't have a fever it was.

Since the abortion my periods were on time. This past year I missed 3 months, and had to go on a hormone to get it started.

I just missed another 2 months and decided it was time to get checked out. I went to the gynecologist for my annual check up and found out that I have cysts on my ovaries and have scar tissue on the lining of my uterus.

He told me that the scaring is from the abortion, and I will probably not be able to have kids.

For some of you this may sound good now, but think ahead in life.

When you get married don't you want a family?

My abortion has caused me so many problems in my life. From depression to eating disorders, to guilt and regret.

I have a hard time being around babies who would be the same age as my baby had I decided to have it.

I am no longer with Bob, after 2.5 years I realized how much I was being verbally abused and manipulated.

I look back and can only learn from the mistakes I have made. With every experience you have you grow.

I can only share my story, because I am unable to go back and change the decision I made.