Temper Tantrums Are A Normal Toddler Behavior, A Real Force Of Nature, And Parents Who Know Can Bring Calm To The Storm And Help To Prevent Future Outbursts

Temper Tantrums occur in children from ages 1 to 4 years old, starting in the Parenting Toddler phase of life, but they can and do occur in children as old as 6 years old.

Of course, some people are prone to Temper Tantrums even into their adult life so the importance of proper Parenting to help a child overcome the occurrence of tantrums cannot be overstated.

Tantrums are a normal Child Behavior, especially in the very young. They are a classic example of a Child Psychology issue, or the science and study of how a child’s mind affects their behavior, especially in early adolescent development.

Temper Tantrums can be challenging, embarrassing and confusing for a Parent to deal with, particularly if they seem to come out of nowhere and especially when they occur in public.

Luckily most Parents know their toddlers well enough to recognize the signs of a tantrum before it occurs, but the more difficult question is what should a Parent do about them?

Patience is a must in these situations but Parental patience alone will never help a child break the cycle of throwing Temper Tantrums, especially if the child has already been conditioned to throw them in order to get what they want from a unwitting but well meaning Parent who has reinforced this negative child behavior.

Temper Tantrums can be a sign that children are in a power struggle with their Parents. This often occurs in what are known as the ’terrible twos’ as toddlers struggles for a measure of independence, which is an integral and normal part of later adolescence behavior as well.

It should be noted that tantrums are not always a sign of defiance or rebellion in a child, but can occur for seemingly innocent reasons as well, such as when a child gets over-excited in anticipation of a fun or enjoyable event and simply doesn’t understand how to handle and channel these powerful emotional feelings, many of which they are feeling for the first time.

The common denominator to all Temper Tantrums is an inability to appropriately deal with a building up of human emotions, be they anger, frustration, disappointment, sickness, hunger, fatigue, or anything else humans can feel and emotionally experience.

Toddlers are often unaware of what they are feeling, and being in an early stage of development they lack the ability to understand and communicate what it is they are experiencing. The result is an explosion of physical reaction commonly known as a Temper Tantrum.

A young child’s physical development far outpaces their social or emotional development, hence to act out in a physical way by kicking and screaming and falling onto the ground is a very natural reaction for a young child feeling a rush of emotion that they don’t understand or know what to do with.

So Parents need to know that Temper Tantrums are a natural event in the life of toddlers, but one that requires you as the Parent to help your toddler to deal with and overcome as quickly and effectively as possible for the happiness and progression of the child as well as for the sanity and peace-of-mind of the Parents and for the other affected adults, be they whom they be.

Setting Limits is also an important parental tool in helping your toddler to understand their place in your family, and what will eventually be expected of them.

Right Before A Temper Tantrum - © Jenn_Jenn

Being a toddler is not always an easy business.

Even though it seems like an easy assignment for most adults, it can really be a trying and aggravating time for someone who has never done it before.

It’s enough to make a little guy pull his hair, his nose, his cheeks, or anything else within easy reach of a good pull.

From a toddler’s perspective, we Parents should be grateful they don’t throw more Temper Tantrums than they already do.

Well here is where the Parental duty to help our children learn better ways of dealing with their human emotions, and with the daily ups and downs of living, takes on a fun and rewarding aspect as we will literally see through this process our children growing and maturing in how they handle life, right before our very eyes.

Since children develop very quickly at this early stage of life, it should not be surprising that when Parenting is done right, the positive reformation and progression in our children is also equally powerful and obvious to behold.

Here are some of the things Parents can do to help their children overcome the temptation to throw Temper Tantrums, keeping in mind that there is a large range of abilities, understandings and behaviors between the ages of 1 and 6 years old, so use these pearls of wisdom according to your child’s age, maturity, development level and specific needs and circumstances.

There are no ’one size fits all’ Parenting solutions in life, and that applies to helping our children to get past the Temper Tantrum stage as well.

• Never give in to a Temper Tantrum as that will only reward the negative behavior and will make the problem worse

• It is Not Possible to reason with a child in the midst of a tantrum, so don’t even try. A tantrum prevents toddlers from hearing us or being aware of their surroundings, so let the storm of young emotions pass before attempting any teaching or reasoning with your child

• Ignore a Temper Tantrum until it goes away, and then give appropriate negative consequences to your toddler to help prevent future occurrences, or at least to begin to lessen their severity. Often a tantrum lasts only as long as there is an audience to witness it

• Every tantrum must be followed by a negative consequence of some sort for your child to learn that no matter how bad they may feel things are, they will only and always be made worse following a Temper Tantrum.

Children quickly learn by this method that having a tantrum is not the way to go

• Don’t reward your child in any way for having thrown a tantrum. Actions that are rewarded are actions that get repeated

• Create negative consequences for your toddler (age specific and lovingly applied) EVERY time they have a Temper Tantrum.

Yes this is a repeat from above but it is THAT important. An example follows:

- Giving your child a time out equal to twice the length of time the tantrum lasted

(In our home our children would have to sit still and quiet on a chair in the middle of a room for twice the duration of the tantrum, with an explanation before and after about why they were sitting quietly and how to avoid it in the future. Talking or getting off of the chair would start their time over and Parents would say nothing during this time also. This is a humane and effective consequence and worked well for us in practice)

• If you see the early signs of a Temper Tantrum, change the child’s environment to remove them for the source of their angst or aggravation

• Make sure your Toddler is well fed and rested, as tantrums can be caused by physical factors well within a Parents influence to control

• Create safe havens within your home where your children can explore and discover without getting into trouble or hearing “No” over and over

• Allow your children to make decisions over the small things so they can feel a measure of independence and satisfaction at their ability to direct their own life in these small ways – Keep the big and important decisions for you to make but try not to let on that this is what is happening

• Remain calm and patient and never argue with your children during a tantrum. Always keep your mantle of Parenthood and authority, and lead by example about how you wish your children to behave during emotionally stressful situations in their life

• Create daily routines that add structure to your toddler’s life. Temper Tantrums are more likely to happen in the absence of those safe and familiar feelings and events

• Keep a sense of humor about you. There are not many problems in life that cannot be made better by a genuine and hearty laugh at the absurdity of a situation, and not many situations rival the pure silliness of a full-blown Temper Tantrum

• Provide lots of love, comfort, support and reassurance of your love and concern for your Toddler once the tantrum has passed and the consequences are over.

Toddlers often find tantrums as confusing and traumatizing as we do, and they need to know that even and especially after a tantrum that they are still loved, cared for, forgiven and that all is well between Parent and child.

Reassure your toddler after a tantrum that all is still bright and good in their world, and help them to want to choose a better course of action in the future

The Joys Of Parenting - © Jenn_Jenn

Stressing the importance of a good sense of humor, Parenting Humor if you will, it was always an effective approach to ending a Temper Tantrum with my children to get down on the floor where they were crying (in the privacy of my own home – never in public or when others were present) to imitate their crying as perfectly as I could.

The initial reaction from my toddler was surprise, quickly followed by an increase in volume and intensity of crying.

I would perfectly imitate the increased volume and intensity of the tantrum but always with a happy smile on my face while looking at my young child.

It never failed that my child would continue to cry but would start to smile too, and it would always end with us both laughing since to see someone on the floor crying is really quite funny as both parent and child quickly realize.

Once we were laughing I would try to understand what the matter was, fix the problem if I could and if the fix did not reward the tantrum, and then ask my child to please not act in such a negative way in the future.

In these rare instances when I had the presence of mind to deal with the tantrum with a mutual laugh instead of some other way, I would not give a negative consequence for the behavior.

This was my way of rewarding my children for having had a good attitude and talking with me after the fact, as laughing with your child is always a very sweet experience that required no further action as far as I was concerned.

Your child’s pediatrician can check for such ailments as hearing loss, vision problems, language delays, learning disabilities or any other chronic illnesses or conditions that may be at the root of the aggravation and frustration leading your child into Temper Tantrums.

This section is near and dear to my own heart since when I was a young boy I suffered from a speech impediment that went undetected and unresolved until I was in Kindergarten, and caused me a great deal of pain and aggravation as only my mother could seem to decipher what it was I was saying most of the time, and the teasing I got from the other children when I tried to speak was confusing and painful for me to say the least.

The problem was a medical one requiring an operation on my tongue and palate, followed by months of school-provided speech therapy.

The results were predictable as my frustration and Temper Tantrums left me as I was finally and joyfully able to make myself understood.

In fact, I have even been told a time or two since then that I have been known to talk too much.

Can you imagine that?

(Sheepish Grin . . .)

Temper Tantrums Cannot Be Avoided As They Are A Natural Part Of A Child’s Emotional And Social Development, But Through Consistent And Loving Consequences Following A Tantrum Our Children Can Quickly Learn There Are Better Ways To Deal With Our Emotions And Powerful Feelings.

Return from the Temper Tantrums Page to the Child Behavior Page