Surrogate Parenting Is A Loving Way For Parents Who Cannot Physically Conceive Or Get Pregnant To Have Children Of Their Own Through The Help Of A Surrogate (Substitute) Mother

Surrogate Parenting is a way for couples who cannot physically have children of their own to finally have children of their own through the loving assistance of a surrogate mother.

This of course is a gross over-simplification of what Surrogate Parenting is, and is not, but it will serve just the same as a place to start from.

The word ‘surrogate’ means to ‘substitute’, and in the context of Surrogate Parenting it means for a woman who can conceive and give birth to a baby to agree to become pregnant and then deliver a child for a woman or couple who cannot physically have children on her or their own.

The term ‘Surrogate Parenting’ is a misnomer as the act of being a surrogate parent has everything to do with a healthy woman using her body to help bring life into the world for someone who cannot do it for themselves, and it has NOTHING to do with the actual act of parenting or of being a parent.

I would re-name Surrogate Parenting, Surrogate Pregnancy, since to be a surrogate in the context to which we are referring does not involve Parenting Skills nor Child Rearing Skills nor any of the other Parental Potpourri items that makes a parent a parent. It revolves solely around the act of carrying a child through pregnancy for someone who cannot do this for themselves.

This is not to diminish in the least the loving and valuable service that surrogate mothers play in allowing their bodies to be used to bring babies into this world for those who cannot do that for themselves, but only to highlight the fact that having a baby doesn’t make one a parent any more than owning a piano makes one a pianist.

Parenting is the act of being present to love and raise and protect a child through the process known as parenting.

Having a baby is a biological process, a miracle of nature.

Being a parent is the investment of your whole life, and time, and means, and energy, and love, and thought, and worry, and joy, and sacrifice, and effort, and emotions to the safety, welfare, care, nurture and healthy development of a baby into a giving, caring, responsible and useful human being.

In essence, the act of parenting is to raise a child into someone who in turn will make a wonderful parent themselves.

Biology creates babies.

Love, time, nurture and a lifetime of involvement makes a parent.

Photo #503 – Newborn Feet – Baby Shannon - © Tammra McCauley

Surrogate Parenting is made possible through the modern scientific breakthroughs that allow for the harvesting, storing, fertilizing and ultimate implanting of human embryos back into the womb where they grow for nine months into adorable babies ready to join some lucky family.

All of the various pieces that make this process of human procreation possible can now be stored, sorted, tested and controlled so that the sperm and the eggs of one couple can be used to create a human embryo which can then be placed in the womb of another, in this case within a surrogate mother’s womb, and thus a surrogate mother can carry and deliver a child for a couple who could not have had a baby without the surrogate’s aid and assistance.

Some terms common to this process are In Vitro Fertilization Pre-Embryo Transfer (IVF-ET), Intrauterine Insemination (IUI), Intracervical Insemination (ICI) and other such terms, all of which are out of the scope of this web site.

Surrogate Parenting can result from the surrogate mother either being the biological (genetic) mother of the baby (using her own eggs in the reproductive process with either the father-to-be providing his own sperm, or for donated sperm to be used), or for the surrogate to act as a gestational carrier, or simply carrying an implanted fertilized embryo not containing the surrogate mother’s genetic material.

There are two main categories of Surrogate Parenting, which are as follows:

• Altruistic Surrogacy

This is where the surrogate mother receives no financial reward for her pregnancy, or for the act of giving the resulting child away to those who will become its parents. All medical expenses of the pregnancy and delivery are customarily paid for by the parents-to-be.

• Commercial Surrogacy

This is where the surrogate mother receives financial compensation for the act of carrying a child in her womb during the pregnancy for said child, and then for delivering the baby to the parents-to-be who will compensate her financially for this loving service.

Commercial Surrogacy is usually conducted by means of surrogacy clinics that specialize in this form of service, and is accompanied by many legal forms, disclaimers and agreements that detail the obligations, duties and expectations each party has for the other in this legal surrogacy arrangement.

That being said, the nature of the surrogacy relationship, and the natures of those who are drawn to this family-friendly and children loving mode of parenting, is such that once a fee has been agreed upon, money and compensation become secondary to the loving and caring relationships that normally exist between surrogate mothers and parents-to-be over the shared welfare of the growing child, which is and always remains the loving focus of these relationships overall.

There are also two main methods involved in Surrogate Parenting, either of which can be done Altruistically (less common) or Commercially (predominantly the case), and which are as follows:

• Gestational Surrogacy

This is a form of surrogacy in which the surrogate mother is implanted with an embryo of which she is not the biological mother. Most commonly the surrogate will carry the biological child of the parents-to-be, who usually seek out a Surrogate Parenting experience in order to have children of their own that they cannot have in any other way.

The surrogate mother can also carry a baby that is the result of either donated eggs or donated sperm, or both, which the parents-to-be choose for their child but which are not biologically connected in any way to the surrogate mother in question.

• Traditional Surrogacy

This is a form of surrogacy in which the surrogate mother is pregnant with her own biological child, but this child was conceived with the intention of being given to the parents-to-be in this Traditional Surrogacy interaction.

The child may be the biological child of the father-to-be, or the result of donated sperm. In all cases, however, Traditional Surrogacy is the result of the surrogate mother’s eggs being used in the formation of this new life.

Surrogacy laws vary from state to state and from country to country, so anyone considering Surrogate Parenting should consult a reputable and competent surrogacy lawyer or licensed Surrogate Parenting Center in order to obtain the proper legal advice and directions needed to happily and successfully navigate your way through your own Surrogate Parenting experience.

Some surrogate mothers stay connected with the parents-to-be and with the children whom they carried through the pregnancy process, and some do not.

Some parents-to-be want this connection to exist, and some do not.

All of these details and a thousand others that will come to mind will need to be addressed not only legally but rationally and emotionally, with your future family’s best interest in mind, before a Surrogate Parenting plan can be put into effect that will work for you and for the future family you wish to enjoy via this surrogate experience.

My Personal Thoughts On Surrogate Parenting

We live in a marvelous and miraculous time in the history of the earth.

Thanks to modern advances in medicine we are now able to discuss such topics as Surrogate Parenting, which makes possible that what for thousands of years prior to today, was ever an impossibility.

I am in favor of Surrogate Parenting since it is a hard and painful plight for loving couples not to be able to have children of their own, for whatever the reasons may be in their particular experiences.

I am Pro Family, so anything that helps bring children to people who want to be loving and devoted parents to those children, is 100% alright by me!

I view surrogate mothers as loving and caring people who help bring children to parents who desperately want them, and who might never have the opportunities to be parents themselves were it not for the kind, difficult, and life-changing services provided by the surrogate experience.

Only a person with lots of love for these would-be parents in need, and with love for children whom they are willing to help bring into the world and then pass along for caring people to raise as their own, would engage in such a labor of sacrifice and of lasting importance.

As to the fee that may be paid to such surrogate mothers, I feel that they deserve them, and there are few if any new parents whose children are the result of a surrogate parenting relationship who would argue this point in the least.

I also don’t feel that there is any moral objection to this practice. On the contrary, I view it as a sort of a modern day medical miracle, and think that this certainly must be the answer to many a desperate parent’s heartfelt prayers for the blessing of children and the opportunity to enjoy the joys and satisfaction of parenthood.

Let me leave you with the words of a repeat surrogate mother, and how she describes her own views on being a surrogate mother for others who could not have children without her help:

”I have two children of my own; two daughters.

It’s a joy being pregnant and I think that having children is such an amazing thing; and anybody who can’t do that on their own and needs help, that’s what I’m here for.

So that’s why I do what I do.”

Surrogate Parenting is a modern way for couples who cannot conceive or safely carry a baby through a pregnancy on their own to get the help they need to have the children they want to create the family they have always dreamed of.