Stepparents Help To Bring Order And Love Into The Lives Of Children Who May Act Like They Don’t Want It But Who Need And Benefit From It

Stepparents have the challenging but rewarding task of helping to create a new, healthy, vibrant and whole family unit from what was once a family unit in some other form.

Traditionally this new family is termed a stepfamily, or a family created when a parent enters into a new marriage.

As nobody starts a new family unit to see it fail or to see it stay forever fragmented, the goal of stepparents is to eventually, naturally and patiently work the ’step’ portion out of both the words ’stepparents’ and ’stepfamily’, until all you are left with are loving Parents and happy children living in a healthy and united family and home.

Parenting Courses, Parenting Curriculum and positive and uplifting Parenting Quotes alone will not cause this transformation to happen, though anything that helps to make this happen is a benefit.

There is such a program called The Total Transformation Program that is a highly praised behavioral program for especially defiant or difficult children, that parents and stepparent alike can benefit from if you have particularly challenging children, especially teenaged children, living in your home.

There are a few important Stepparent items to keep in mind here. The ground rules are simple but we will review some of the basics just to be safe.

- You love and have married someone who has children from a prior relationship and they will always love those children without question

- Your new spouse’s love for you will not be greater than their love for their children, nor should it be. Your spouse’s love for you is in a different category and should be accepted and embraced as such

- You are not the father or mother of your stepchildren, but may be viewed as such over time and depending on many factors. In like manner, hopefully one day you will view your stepchildren as your children

- Your love for your new spouse will be manifested by the love you show and the service you give to their children, who are now your children, though you are not their ‘real’ mom or dad (you are right, these stepfamily dynamics ARE confusing)

- Everyone LOVES those people who love their children (Hint: The more you truly love and serve your stepchildren, now your children, the more your spouse will love and appreciate you in return)

- Stepchildren are biologically predisposed to be loyal to their biological, or ‘real’ parents and will initially feel that they are somehow betraying their ‘real’, or biological parents if they love a new mom or dad (You), so be patient and realize that these things are going to take LOTS of time

- The love of a stepchild cannot be forced or demanded, and love of any kind cannot be faked without being quickly discovered for the counterfeit that it is. Only the real article of true love has the power to permanently take the ‘step’ out of family, parent and child.

My Brady Bunch (Final) © Jesse.millan

A fun example of the ‘perfect’ Stepparents and stepfamily situation was portrayed in the TV series called ‘The Brady Bunch’.

Anyone familiar with classical, or old-time American TV programs, will readily remember this man who had three sons and this woman who had three daughters, and ‘somehow they formed a family, and that’s the way they all became the Brady Bunch’.

Well the Brady Bunch is only on TV but you can produce your own happy endings to your own Stepparents story by finding a way to merge your own different family parts into a new and vibrant family whole.

You should obviously decide on your own new set of Family Rules, Expectations, Values and Rewards by which your new family unit will be governed and protected.

Just because you are a stepparent does NOT mean that you are not the parent your children now have to listen to and obey because you obviously are and they obviously do.

You should try to increase your Parent / Child communication even further than you think you need to as misunderstandings are bound to arise, and child resentments come easily to the surface in these situations.

You may often hear in the heat of the moment something like “You are NOT my mom or dad and I DON’T have to listen to you”.

To which you would calmly reply “I know that I am not your biological mom or dad but you know that I AM your parent now, and you also know that I love you and that you DO need to listen to me and obey the family rules”.

By responding in such a patient and factual and loving manner, these verbal assaults will diminish in frequency and ferocity.

Even the Brady Bunch had moments of conflict and then happy resolutions in every half hour episode.

Art reflects life, and your Stepparent life will be full of similar conflicts and resolutions and happy endings.

Just remember to take life one moment at a time and it all somehow works out just fine.

June First Sunday Family Fun Day 6 © KCMuseum

All children, especially stepchildren, will try to divide and conquer the will of the parents if you let them - So Don’t Let Them.

As with all families, when one Parent speaks they should speak for both Parents.

This is especially true with Stepparents.

Fathers and mothers who bring their children into a new family relationship should realize that their children are probably making life difficult for the new Parent and therefore you should be sympathetic and supportive of this situation with your spouse.

Parents need to speak with their children about not being hard on the new parent, and on getting along as best as they can as a new family. Most children want a safe and loving home and should readily cooperate to make it so.

Stepparents also need to realize that things will be tough for you at times, maybe a lot of the time. Learn to grow a slightly thicker skin and try to use humor to make the best of difficult times that will eventually get better with time and the demonstration of Parental love for each member of the family.

Stepparents should be especially sensitive to the how and whom regarding Issue of Discipline within the home.

In the early stages of a new Stepfamily it is doubly important that Parents portray a united front, as stepchildren will naturally associate any discipline by the Stepparent and unfair and excessive.

To combat this issue, both parents should explain to a child what discipline is going to happen and why. Both parents need to tie this discipline back to an established family rule that was broken and the logical consequences thereof.

Then, at least in the beginning, the biological parent should administer the punishment, be it verbalizing that the child will lose privileges or whatever the consequence may be. Let it be known that this punishment would be the same if only one Parent was there, and that this consequence has nothing to do with the Stepparent situation or anything of the sort.

Repeat this process when needed and have the Stepparent next administer the punishment. Make sure the children continue to see the Parents as a united front and things will steadily begin to improve.

Please note that this is only an example and will work with any aspect of the Parenting experience to help improve the happiness in your home.

K-Play Plus - Abstracts Scenes & Collages for June (3) © Charmainezoe

Like a beautiful mosaic, Stepparents and blended families come in all shapes, colors and sizes.

Love is the glue that will build the confidence within your children that BOTH parents really love and care for them, and that will in turn affect how children react to BOTH parents and to the new family realities in general.

Be fair and loving at all times and the children will sense your love and commitment to them, and will respond accordingly.

Remember that you are not meant to be a replacement for anyone; you are meant to be YOU!

Be the best you that you can be, and you will eventually be loved and appreciated for who you are. It may take a little while but if you are genuinely a good person and show that by how you live your life, then it WILL HAPPEN.

Don’t forget also to enjoy large doses of Parenting Fun which serves to help everyone in the family to be happier and more at ease.

Parenting is meant to be fun and rewarding!

Let us please never forget that Parenting and life in general is meant to be fun and rewarding, and proper Step Parenting is one of the most rewarding experiences of all!

So like that beautiful mosaic, let us take the various beautiful family pieces we find ourselves with and make a beautiful and interesting family whole from the same.

Stepparents Should Love And Provide Parenting Guidance, Limits And Support To Their Stepchildren Who Will Eventually Recognize The Positive Influence A Loving And Involved Parent Has In Their Life And In The Happiness And Stability Of Their New Family And Home.

* * * VIDEO BONUS * * * The Brady Bunch Song. ENJOY!

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