Setting Family Rules Is To Create The Standards Of Conduct That Your Family Members Then Live By

Setting Family Rules, much like setting Parenting Rules, is to decide what is very important to your family, the core beliefs and values that you want your family to live by; then making these family rules a part of the very fiber of your family life.

Setting Family Rules establishes The Constitution for your home and family. They become the guiding principles by which the members of your family base their decisions on what to do, and what not to do, both within the family and for life in general.

All sound Parenting Advice recommends establishing rules of conduct for happy family living.

Setting Family Rules literally supplies the road map and the mission statement, the law of the ‘family land’ as it were, for you and your family to live and prosper by.

Parenting Today is to understand that rules are literally an everyday part of civilized life and society.

Every year when school starts, teachers are asked by school administrators to draft a set of “classroom expectations” for students and parents alike. These include such things as what constitutes appropriate classroom behavior, what actions will and will not be tolerated within the classroom, a discussion of the grading policy, how late homework is to be handled, and what the consequences will be when these expectations are not met.

In effect, teachers every year use classroom expectations in the same way that parenting should view Setting Family Rules; as a way to set standards of conduct and behavior, and to educate interested parties on the consequences of failure should these expectations not be met.

Teachers do this every year because it works every year. Parents reading this web page should pick up on the obvious implications to Setting Family Rules and how they will work in a family setting too.

Life is full of rules. Our modern, civil society is based on a principle known as the ‘Rule of Law’.

There are rules for swimming in a public pool. There are rules regarding Child Custody Agreements.

If you want to drive a car you have to obey the traffic rules, and if you want to stay out of jail and maintain your personal freedoms, then there are legal rules, known as laws, which must be obeyed.

Heck, if you want to own a dog, go hunting or fishing, or start up a new business, there are rules and regulations that must be obeyed regarding each one of these activities. You could think of a hundred other examples.

Thinking in this way, it only seems natural that there should be family rules that govern the activities of those who want to live in peace and happiness with one another within a family unit. Why should the family be an exception to this universal rule?

A society without rules soon falls into anarchy and chaos.

Setting Family Rules prevents a family from falling into anarchy and chaos as well.

And should your family be in a state of unrest, or outright revolt and rebellion, my guess is that there are no formal Family Rules in place to help govern such a family in crisis. Setting Family Rules prevents such family rebellions from happening.

And therein we find the necessity and wisdom for parents to Set Family Rules to help govern their family and home lives.

Mother’s and father’s need to decide together on the rules that are going to govern their family, and then they need to teach these rules to their children who will now have a standard of conduct to adhere to. I am happy to report that children almost always rise to the challenge of obeying these family rules willingly because these rules are reinforced and understood and followed by all family members who begin to experience the benefits of their improved quality of personal and family life.

Once families see the benefits in their improved qualities of life, there is little desire to go back to the way things used to be. Children actually feel safer and more protected with the Setting of Family Rules, for their world becomes better defined, and in their minds, better controlled and better protected.

Children especially are used to following rules, and they view these family rules as protections to their family, and hence protection to their own interests which lie in the safety of their family unit.

What follows is our Six Simple Rules For Setting Family Rules.

Parents everywhere can follow these rules, or suggested steps in the process, to draft their own family rules that will establish, or re-establish, a sense of order, respect, safety, and regulation that is necessary in all aspects of organized society, and especially in the regulation of a safe and happy family and home life.

As with all the Parenting wisdom we share with you here within this Parenting Action Guide, we can only show you the path to take. It is for you as the parents to take the time and effort to walk the path, follow the steps, and implement the improvements for you and your family to enjoy the benefits that await you at the other end of this process.

All I can tell you is that Setting Family Rules is a path well worth your best parental efforts.

Pool Rules - © Joe Shlabotnik

Step 1: You Don’t Need A Lot Of Rules

Setting Family Rules doesn’t have to be a long and complicated process. In fact, if it is heading in that direction, you are probably over thinking the process.

Parents should come up with between 5 and 7 family rules, which are more than sufficient to effectively govern any family.

Husbands and wives working together should come up with these family rules and make them expansive enough to satisfy the family’s needs, but simple enough for even the youngest members of the family to understand and remember.

Step 2: Reflect Your Family’s Core Beliefs And Values

Family Rules should reflect your family’s core beliefs and values. They should state those ideas that the family thinks is very, very important.

If you believe in God, then perhaps a rule about family church attendance might be a good family rule to have.

If you believe in having a peaceful home, then perhaps a rule against fighting and screaming might be a good family rule to have.

If you believe in the values of honesty and trust, then perhaps a rule against lying and stealing would be a good family rule to have.

Parents need to identify what beliefs and values are most important to them. Setting Family Rules will be a natural outgrowth of the important beliefs and values thus identified.

Step 3: Family Rules Are Non-Negotiable

Simply stated, your family rules are non-negotiable.

These are rules which must be “set in stone” as pertains to your family.

That is why Step No. 2 is so important. Rules based on core beliefs and values are not up for discussion or debate.

These rules represent what lies at the heart of the parent’s thinking and feelings about what is most important to them and their family. It is an honest reflection of how they deeply view life and the way to properly live within that view of life.

Once the Family Rules are set, they are set. And that is where they need to stay.

Your family rules must remain non-negotiable.

Step 4: Physical And Emotional Safety Comes First

Setting Family Rules must be directed towards any significant threat to the physical or emotional well-being of family members.

Our children are bound to have some rough days at school or elsewhere. They may even get called mean names, or occasionally need to deal with a bully, but these threats and fears should not be an issue within the walls of their own homes.

Family Rules must ensure the physical and emotional safety of every family member.

Our homes should be places of safety for our children.

Setting the right Family Rules can help make this is reality.

Step 5: Defining Consequences Is Essential

Consequences should be universally understood and non-negotiable for the breaking of family rules.

Just as students in a classroom understand the consequences of breaking the classroom or school rules, so our children must clearly understand the consequences that will occur should they break the Family Rules.

It is not our intent to arbitrarily or over-zealously inflict pain and punishment on our children, but any set of rules must have the power of enforcement behind them in order for them to be accepted, respected, and beneficial in achieving their ultimate aim of regulating behavior.

Parents must decide what the consequences will be for the breaking of family rules. These consequences should act as an aid in the acceptance and keeping of the family rules, and should be accepted as reasonable and appropriate by all family members.

If you need additional help or ideas in this regard, we recommend our Free Discipline Guidelines Special Report. This is a valuable parenting resource guide that will benefit parents everywhere.

Step 6: Schedule Periodic Family Council Meetings

The final step in this Setting Family Rules process is to hold family councils to educate family members on what the Family Rules are, and what they mean to the happiness and welfare of the family and its members. These family meetings are also a way to periodically evaluate acceptance of and adherence to these family rules, and to re-emphasize their importance within the family structure.

Communication is essential to every organization. Without it, there is no understanding, no growth and learning, and no way to evaluate whether things are working well or falling apart at the seams. The same holds true for the value of communication within the family unit.

Parents should decide how often a family council is to be held, but they should be held no fewer than two to three times a year, and much more often if the family is just learning to work and act like a cohesive whole. Once is month is not too often for families just staring out, or in need of extra communication and understanding.

Parents should take this opportunity to emphasize the Family Rules and evaluate the sentiment of each family member as to how they are working in every day practice. Parents can also allow children to express their needs, desires, wishes, and complaints within this family council meeting.

Always make sure to end the meeting emphasizing the positive points of family unity and progress, and always serve a special treat at the end of the meeting for the family to enjoy like a cake or cookies or a special meal. Good memories and happy times together make holding this family council meeting easier and more enjoyable each time that you do it.

You will begin to see the improvements in your family and home life after the very first meeting. Parents and children alike will understand that you are serious about making the family a safe and happy place for all to enjoy, and things will just naturally start falling into their proper place as your continued love and commitment to this course of family action is understood and internalized by all.

Setting Family Rules entails deciding what the rules will be, educating your children about what the rules are, explaining to your children why the rules are important, and helping your children understand what the consequences will be if the family rules are broken.

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