Preteen Parenting Helps Lay The Foundation Of Your Child’s Future Adult Life

Preteen Parenting is a time of transition. This phase of life, also known as Preadolescence or the 'Tween' years, is the time between childhood and adulthood.

Preteen or Adolescent Parenting deals with the transition period generally recognized as the ages of 8 to 12, and continues into the teenage years of 13 to 19, ending with the creation of a newly minted adult.

These Preteen Parenting years must be done correctly or your child may never really grow up.

Preteen Parenting is parenting children through the process of growing up. With that definition some parents may view this task as never ending since some children seem to never really grow up.

We may even know a few adults that fit into that category, but I digress...

The goal of Preteen Parenting is to help your Preteen child navigate waters that are choppy, chilly, full of dangers (both real but mostly imagined), and which are ever changing with the level of complexity required of their growing worlds.

Free children making a star with hands creative commons - © Pink Sherbet Photography

One of the basic tenants of Preteen Parenting, or parenting any child for that matter, is to share with children your strengths and NOT your weaknesses.

Like the first rule of medicine, your Preteen Parenting job is first and foremost to do no harm.

One of the difficulties you will face is that you yourself may have had a rough time swimming these same waters you are now tasked with helping your child to get through safely. Besides, it was so long ago, and the world was such a different place when you were growing up and dinosaurs ruled the earth.

Sorry, that’s going back a little too far . . .

The good news is though times may have changed, people are still very much the same as they always were.

If you understand some basic rules of Preteen Parenting, you can apply these rules to practically every situation involving Parenting and move the odds greatly in your favor towards success.

Preteens view the world very differently than they did just a few years or even months ago. They are now becoming more aware of and have a more realistic view of the world as it really is. Their new world views include:

- The beginnings of self identity, including issues of Preteen Self-Esteem, morality, and questioning the world and why the people in it act as they do

- Preteens are beginning to feel the pull of Preteen Peer Pressure and the temptation to lie in order to 'fit in' with those around them.

Parenting Preteen Liars is an excellent resource and should not be overlooked.

- They view human relationships with more clarity (Mom and Dad are no longer perfect beings but can actually make mistakes and sometimes be wrong)

- They are approaching or are already dealing with Puberty with a fuller understanding of the differences between the sexes. They are hearing for the first time about sex and related topics that will require your input and clarification

- They are experiencing their first romantic feelings (Preteen Puppy Love)

- They no longer fear 'The Boogey Man' , or monsters under the bed, but are starting to have realistic fears of kidnappings, rapes, school lock-downs and actual harm that could come to them in the real world they are beginning to see more clearly

- Preteen Sexuality along with your values, morals and Family Rules and Expectations regarding this subject will need to be addressed openly, honestly, directly and often with your Preteen.

- Identification of realistic job expectations (I want to be a lawyer and not Superman) including chores and responsibilities that they now have to perform. They should now be required to help and serve, and that is not always easy to cope with nor transition into

- A desire for greater independence while still needing the feeling of being protected and comforted as they learn the bounds and get the hang of the independence they seek yet don’t yet understand

I’m just asking since you look a bit worried after reading that partial list of what your not so little angel is now, or will soon be going through.

Do these Preteen Parenting topics bring back some uncomfortable feelings and memories for you?

GREAT!

Now you can remember what feelings and emotions your Preteen children must be going through.

It will help you to be a better and more understanding listener.

Keep it natural.

Keep it real.

Don’t freak your Preteen out and do pretend that you are comfortable with the process.

A great piece of advice to remember is: Fake it until you make it.

One of the biggest Preteen mysteries you will help your child work through is Puberty.

Now granted some children won’t go through this in their Preteen years (boys usually go through this around the age of 14 and girls around the age of 12), but since I assume you plan on keeping your children around for the long run, you will need to understand this process, how it affects your child, and how you and your child can both get through it successfully.

This is a process that will, in a large part, define how you and your child act, react, relate and communicate with each other for the rest of your lives. Now is the time to strengthen your lines of communication, all the while acting like it is no big deal and the most natural thing in the world.

This is the time you begin to interact with your children as the young adults (Preteens) they are turning into.

Be natural and don't 'freak out' on them. Establish a comfortable and trusting environment for your child to come to you and get the information they need to learn about life, their changing bodies, sex and all things Preteen they would love to get the answers on.

After all, if your child does not feel comfortable coming to you to talk and get their questions answered then they will simply go somewhere else in search of their answers.

At the end of the day who do you want your Preteen child learning their sex and life questions from? It can be from you or from their class mates who don’t know any more about the facts of life than your child does.

Chances are good that anyone else will give your child the wrong answers that your child will just assume are the facts.

So relax and help your child to relax. And then start talking.

How does one get this right?

That is a question only you can answer for you and your family.

You don’t get it right by doing nothing. Ostriches aren’t safe with their heads buried in the sand and neither are good parents.

You now know a little more about what your Preteen children are thinking, or at least you have a better idea than you did before coming to this website.

This is a Parenting Action Guide, so go take some action.

The best first impressions of your child and you talking about matters of true consequence are the ones that are barely noticed. Make it natural and beat around the bush if you have to in order to discover what things your child may be thinking about.

Go to dinner or to a favorite activity just the two of you where you as the parent can start to ask about what’s on your child's preteen mind, what they may be hearing about life and boys or girls in school, or whatever it may be.

Lightsabre Sign Duel - © Copakavanagh

Just make a start and don’t get discouraged if at first your Preteen doesn’t open up to you.

Let them know you are there to answer any questions they may have, now or whenever they may have them, and that you will NEVER get upset if they ask you something they are curious about.

And that means never.

Remember, IF your child has something upsetting to say, wouldn't you rather know it than not? And who better to hear it from than directly from your child?

Proper Preteen Parenting creates the environment where your child will feel both safe and comfortable confiding in you and eventually they will. That is one of the simple secrets of successful Preteen Parenting.

And then when you least expect it, it finally happens. Your child has a question they were hoping you could answer for them.

This is one of those simple yet significant make or break moment that will set the stage for how you and your child will communicate and interact with each other in matters that really matter.

Be NATURAL.

Nothing freaks a Preteen out more than a parent over-reacting. In other words, be as blank as you can be and still maintain your ability to talk.

Ask what’s on their mind and then shut up and listen.

Just listen.

Wait. Wait. Wait.

Just listen.

Give them the time they need to ask you what they want to.

Don’t finish their sentences. Don’t assume. Don’t react. Don't rush them.

Just listen.

Then, ever so slowly, smile and say something like “that is a great question. I’m glad you're asking me about that”. And then of course answer the question.

Answer it without too many words, but do answer it accurately and truthfully.

Don't EVER lie to your child.

That doesn't mean your child has a right to know everything about everything. Some things are age specific and you need to decide what your child should know and when.

However, if your child asks you about something then chances are good that they are hearing about it at school. The time may be now to discuss the issue with your child regardless of how we may feel about it.

Life rarely happens at a good time.

Just be honest with your children and always tell them the truth.

If you ever lie to your child then you have just burned a bridge of communication with your child. Your child will eventually find out that you lied, and trust, once lost, comes back slowly if ever.

Besides, do you want your child to lie to you? Then don't lie to them. Have the courage to practice Preteen Parenting by being a positive example and role model to your Preteen.

Never get upset over a question your Preteen child may ask. If you do then you will likely have burned another bridge of communication with your child.

(How many bridges do you think you get in life?)

Please practice Preteen Parenting with a bit of caution and lots of patience.

Even if your child just told you something disturbing, the only way to make it right is to get all of the information you can from them and then teach your child the right way around it.

If you get upset, they will NOT want to open up to you and confide in you again, either now or in the future.

If you get upset they will NOT remain open minded about your councils and suggestions. They will only know that you are angry because they trusted you to be there to talk openly and honestly with them like you said you would.

You can’t afford to shut the door on communication by acting angry or upset, even if you are angry or upset.

Be the adult now, in this moment, for your child.

You can vent and get emotional later and in private if you really need to.

Preteen Parenting requires parents to be patient, understanding and mature.

One of the best definition of patience that I've heard is to act like you are patient, even when you are not.

Take The Time To Make A Difference In Your Preteen's Life Today!

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