Parenting Preteen Liars Is A Skill That Requires The Parent To Help The Preteen See The Lie As The Negative That It Is So The Preteen Will Choose Not To Incorporate Lies Into Their Lives Forever More
"If people become accustomed to lying, they will unconsciously commit every possible wrong deed.
Before they can act wickedly they must lie, and once they begin to lie they will act wickedly with unconcern."
Buddha (B.C. 568-488)
When we talk about Preteen Liars or Children Who Lie we are talking about every child at one time or another.
Like Puberty and Bed Wetting, all children will eventually pass through this stage to one extent or the other.
Yet recognizing and correcting Preteen Lying at its earliest inception can save a child from later, and more serious problems, such as Teenage Substance Abuse, Teenage Pregnancy, and the need for Tough Love Parenting Measures which are more effective if implemented consistently along with Setting Limits and controls as part of your family culture.
What separates Preteens who used to lie from Preteen Liars is the amount of Parental involvement and the speed at which that Parental involvement is brought to bear in the assistance of the Preteen who has learned the skill of lying. Your Parenting Style can help your child immensely past this roadblock to your child's healthy growth and development.
Many Web searches are dedicated to finding out about Preteen Liars, why Preteens lie, how to Parent a Preteen Liar, and so forth.
What this tells me is that many Parents have falsely assumed that a young child will naturally grow out of their lying stage and somehow start telling the truth as they get older all on their own.
If you are the Parent of a Tween Liar, then your child has had many years of lying experience and therein lies the problem. As you know by now, hoping that your Preteen Liar would simply ‘grow out of their lying stage’ did not work, so here we are.
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In fact, children don’t grow out of lying but actually grow into lying if not helped and mentored by a loving and concerned Parent to the contrary.
Note: Most people who aren’t helped to stop lying as children NEVER stop lying later in life. Think of how many adults you know who lie even today?
These adult liars would have benefited from having a concerned and involved Parent help them to stop lying when they were younger.
Lucky for YOUR children that you are on the job and won’t make the same Parenting mistake with them.
The bad news is that you have obviously caught your Preteen lying.
This is Adolescent Parenting 101 and all Parents have 'been there and done that'.
Ironically, the good news is that you have caught your Preteen lying and now you can educate them as to why this is not a positive behavior and why they should stop lying immediately (if not sooner :-) ).
Matildi's Turned Four - © Ana Filipa Machado
Very young children only lie once they are smart enough to lie, so the fact that a very young child has learned to lie is both good news (it shows that your child is intelligent enough to recognize the truth, think up an alternate reality to that truth, and then be able to get others to believe the lie they have thought up) and bad news (lying is a negative action that leads to negative consequences in life).
Very smart children are able to start lying by the age of two or three, and almost all children have told a lie by the age of four.
Children lie for the same reasons people in general lie; to avoid punishment, to feel a sense of power or control, to vent frustration or to get attention, or as a misguided strategy for handling difficult social situations.
There are many studies that suggest children actually learn to lie from the adult influences in their lives, including from their Parents.
Being a fan as you are of this Preteen Thru Teenage Parenting Action Guide, this information will come as no surprise to you.
Our children always hear our actions louder than they hear our words.
But as I was saying . . .
Preteen Self Esteem often hinges on being able to fit in with the crowd, and many Preteens feel this can only be accomplished if they lie about who they are, what they have or what they have done, and so forth.
If a Preteen Liar hasn’t broken the habit of lying by the time they hit Puberty, then it seems likely that this pattern of lies will continue into their Teenage years and on into adulthood.
As a child matures into their Preteen and Teenage years, the act of lying is often a symptom of a larger behavioral or social problem.
This illustrates the dangers of not helping your child stop lying as soon as you are aware of its emergence in their very early years; your child may actually develop serious issues later in life that require your guidance, but how can you really know what is going on with your child if you can’t believe what they tell you?
To reiterate the point, it is Always better to deal with the issue of your children telling lies as soon as you can identify that they are telling lies.
Immediately always works the best to help Preteen Liars mend their ways and become children of truth once again.
At the very moment your child is lying to you is the moment you must intervene to educate your child as to why that is not the right thing to do.
It will take time and effort and will interrupt whatever it was you were doing, but proper Parenting can never wait until later.
Only through the exercise of effective Parental Communication will you be able to help your child through this crisis.
You must do this every time your child tells a lie that you are aware of until your child always tells the truth.
Since this page is dedicated to Parenting Preteen Liars, we will assume this vigilance and care was not taken at the onset of discovering your child’s lies when they were much younger.
We will deal with Parenting Preteen Liars now, but just remember that Parenting Children who lie is an issue best dealt with as early as possible for optimal and lasting results.
Hint: Most of life’s problems, and especially those involving Preteen Parenting issues, are best dealt with as early as they are identified as problems.
In order to help your child stop lying, you must be sold on the fact that lying is a negative behavior that leads to negative outcomes in life.
Lying is a fundamental character flaw that will be the cause of many future problems if not eradicated from our lives, and you must believe and live this in your own life if you are to effectively help your children live lives of truth and honor.
It would be easier to help our children stop lying if every time our children told a lie their outward physical expressions took on the following demeanor:
018_18 - © Stevegatto2
This in fact is what being a Preteen Liar, or any aged liar, does to us on the inside.
Telling lies brings out the worst in us and in our children and always hurts our insides, whether or not this damage is reflected on our outsides or not.
Following are some practical suggestions for helping you to educate your children about the consequences of lying and hence to help your Preteen Liars to stop lying.
The suggestions are not comprehensive and must be tailored to you and to your child and to your family’s unique circumstances, needs and abilities.
Keep in mind the age and maturity of the child you are trying to help and tailor your efforts creatively and accordingly.
Many of the best Parenting answers are the ones tailor made by you and for you.
Some things that would help a very young child would also prove useless in helping an older child such as a Preteen or a Teenager.
These are simply suggestions presented to help you get started thinking of ways to help a Preteen Liar become a Preteen who used to tell lies.
As always the hard work, creativity, love, concern, practical application and actual results for you and your children, within the walls of your own home, are left completely up to you to figure out and execute effectively. (Lucky You)!
• Help your Preteen to understand that lying erodes trust and brings about negative consequences.
- Ask your Preteen how they would like to be lied to? Try to help them empathize with the person being lied to.
- Tell your child that as long as they are going to lie to you, you are going to lie to them. This is particularly effective in young children who rely on you to comfort their fears and provide them with an accurate view of the world. Most young children will readily agree not to lie to you if you promise not to lie to them.
This technique motivated my young daughter to stop lying on the spot, and the lesson stuck with very little follow-up applications.
• Help your Preteen to understand some of the consequences associated with living the life of a liar.
- One obvious result is that people will not be able to trust what a liar tells them. Help your Preteen to understand that liars are always discovered, and please understand yourself that they really are always discovered; it is just a matter of time.
- Until a liar is discovered they have a diminished quality of life and a degraded self-image as they spend time and energy fabricating new lies to cover the old lies, and trying to remember just what lies they told and to whom and when. It is exhausting and discouraging work and it is no way to live a happy life.
- The hidden and more profoundly true consequence of being a liar is NOT that others can no longer believe what you tell them, but it is in the fact that the liar actually loses the ability to believe what other people tell them, even and especially when they are being told the truth.
• Help your Preteen to understand the moral and social consequences associated with living the life of a liar.
- All children should be taught that lying is wrong on moral grounds. Every religion teaches the importance of being truthful. It is after all one of the Ten Commandments and a tenant of faiths the world over.
- Explain to your Preteen that our society requires truthful words and actions. Lying in school will get them into trouble. Lying to authorities like Police or Firemen can bring actual punishments upon them. Lying at work can cost them a future job or career.
- Read Aesop Fables or other stories to your children that illustrates the importance of telling the truth and the harm that comes when you do not. The Boy Who Cried Wolf is an especially appropriate story that illustrates this truth.
All of these activities require Parental effort and love.
Sorry, but Preteen Liars do not self-correct or improve on their own.
Most Preteens who still lie do so because nothing was done earlier in their lives to help them to stop lying, so the time to act is definitely now and not later.
The goal of Parenting Preteen Liars, or Parenting Children Who Lie in general, is to help them want to stop lying because they can clearly see that the cost of lying far exceeds any perceived benefit.
The truth is, many preteens do have bad attitudes and other negative behavioral problems, such as out-of-control lying to parents, teachers, and others. If you are looking for additional help and ideas on how to stop the lying, and the many negative consequences that stem from it, we recommend this Simple, Step-by-Step Program for parents to help their children in ways they never imagined possible. This is the only program of its kind that we recommend because it works. You can try it as part of a Free Offer today!
It can’t hurt to try it for free, and it just may be the additional Preteen Lying help you’ve been looking for.
An exceptional parent will completely eliminate ANY perceived benefit of lying the child may entertain for there truly are no benefits to lying to the person dedicated to living a life of truth, honor and service to others.
Once you have sufficiently illustrated to your Preteen Liar the harm and determent that comes to those who lie, they will choose to stop lying on their own.
Your Parental work in this regard will then be over, and it will be on to the next Parental challenge for you.
There is a lot more parenting wisdom to share. Here is another Parenting a Preteen Liar thought: Be the Parent who corrects their child with wisdom and love at the very first sign of adolescent lying, and every time thereafter until lying ceases to be an issue with your child.
Be the Parent who finds the way to liberate their children from the bondage of lies at any time, for any reason, over and over again.
Teach Your Preteen That Honesty Is Always The Best Policy!
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