Potty Training Is Just Another ‘Drop In The Bucket’ In A Nurturing Parent-Child Relationship

Potty Training is a right of passage for all parents and their young children.

This is also an integral and challenging aspect of the Parenting Toddler phase of our parenting lives.

It also represents one of the first shared activity that you and your youngster will do together that has mutual meaning and value to both of your lives.

In a very real sense, Potty Training is the beginning of a collaborative effort that sets both you and your toddler on a path of mutual assistance and positive interaction that will last a lifetime.

Do this process right and you and your child will learn to better trust each other and learn to enjoy interacting with each other more each day.

It is meant to be fun and rewarding for the both of you.

Mother and Child, Parihaka - © Anthrovik

How you decide to approach this life-changing first step in your child’s development towards being more like a ‘Big Boy’ or a ‘Big Girl’ will impact your child’s life now and on into the future.

It will also set the stage for how you interact with each another for many years to come.

But get this wrong; turn this into a negative experience filled with anger, shame or punishment, or try to rush it or force it or control it too much or too soon and you may actually do damage to your young child’s psyche and self image.

You could unwittingly set the stage for communication problems and other roadblocks between you and your child that can have lasting repercussions.

Some studies suggest that attempts to hurry toilet training may actually backfire and contribute to Bed Wetting, so it is always best to let a child develop bladder control at his or her own pace.

With such a lot at stake, where does correct Potty Training begin?

How do you get it right for the both of you?

Each child is unique and each toilet training experience will be unique as well.

You need to look for clues from your toddler that they are ready to start this process. It is up to you as the parent to recognize and understand these clues that will demonstrate when they are ready to start this journey.

As each child is different, each child’s starting point and starting age will be different as well.

A general guideline is that children between the ages of 18 months and three years old are usually ready to be Potty Trained, or toilet trained as it is also called.

Some children may be ready to be toilet trained as early as nine months old, or just after the child starts to walk.

As you can see, there is a large time difference between 9 months and 18 months, and there will also be a large difference in how long each child will take until they are toilet trained, so the only sure rule to this process is that there are no sure rules to this process.

Each child's situation will be as unique as they are. Welcome to the unpredictable yet wonderful world of parenting :-)

Girls as a general rule tend to be ready earlier than boys, and children who show no interest in being toilet trained by the age of four years old may have a serious medical condition that requires a consultation with a qualified doctor.

These age guidelines are intentionally vague as there is no one right age to begin to potty train your child.

It is your child and their interest in Potty Training that is the defining factor that will help you to know when the time is right for you.

Uros Mother and Child - © Dagpeak

Keep in mind that parents all over the world are coping with Potty Training their young children as a normal part of life. Many of these parents have fewer resources than you do and still manage to get the job done. And they are by and large quite successful at it!

I mean, can you imagine Potty Training your child while living on a floating island without electricity in the middle of Lake Titicaca between Peru and Bolivia?

Well neither can I, but they seem to manage it and I’m sure you will find a way to do the same.

Patience and more patience is required to help toilet train your child in an appropriate manner. Positive child development requires lots of praise and positive inputs to be successful.

Potty Training leads to your child forming fundamentally new habits, and new habits are not formed quickly nor easily.

Be patient and flexible while going through this process with your toddler.

If you think the time is right and your child in hindsight turns out to not be ready to start Potty Training, then take a step back and don’t make an issue out of it.

Take it slow and stay alert.

This is a process without strict time lines and rules, so go with the flow and with your child’s willingness and abilities.

Every child is different, and this is all part of the process we call life.

Expect accidents.

They will happen and they ARE NOT intentional.

How you react to these accidents will make all the difference in how you and your toddler view and interact with each other.

Lose your patience and you begin to lose the trust and confidence of your young child.

Show patience, creativity and love, and a positive and successful toilet training experience will be the result.

You may actually one day miss all of these ‘quality moments’ once your toddler is no longer a toddler.

Parenting frustrations today often turn into the sweet family memories of tomorrow.

Enjoy these special moments while they last.

And as for the occasional toilet training accident, just be prepared with spare clothing and a cheerful attitude.

Pull up diapers that go on and off like underwear are a good way for your child to practice not wearing diapers and yet not cause a mess for you and your surroundings should an accident occur.

Talk through and get through accidents with kindness and love.

Being matter of fact is a good approach to use.

You could say something like “Looks like we had an accident. That’s ok, but let’s see if we can get to the potty faster next time. How does that sound”?

Talking through these little mishaps with your toddler is what will help to create the positive parent-child bond that is the foundation of your communication and trust in each other.

Be aware that Potty Training accidents are most likely to occur when:

- Your child is engrossed in a favorite activity

- Your child is under stress due to a change in their environment and/or daily routine

- Your child is tired

- In the evenings when your child is asleep, especially in the early stages of potty training.

Bed wetting is to be expected and is perfectly natural during this potty training period.

“This too will pass”

- When they are away from their potty for any length of time, such as while they are on a trip to the park or while taking a long car ride

For those parents who have children in Child Care, it is imperative to share your Potty Training efforts, timing and strategies with your child care provider.

This will help to ensure continuity of the toilet training process for your little one.

But let’s face facts; life is tough, especially with small children.

Growing families can tax and strain the best of us at times so be patient with yourself during this process.

We should all beware of burnout and ‘baby overload’.

This can happen to the best of us.

Form and keep a social network that can serve as a relief valve for times when stress is running high in your life.

Beware of postpartum depression and other ailments that can affect a mother with young children.

Don’t neglect yourself in the process of taking care of others as this is a short term solution that will prove to be neither ‘short term’, nor a ‘solution’.

Remember the simple but powerful lesson we are all reminded of each time we take a flight in a commercial airliner. The reminder goes “... if the cabin loses pressure while in flight, an oxygen mask will fall from the ceiling. Please secure your own mask first, and then secure the masks of your children.”

In other words, if you are not healthy and well first and foremost, you cannot be of any help to those around you.

Healthy refers not only to physical health but emotional health.

This is an important lesson to remember in a world that pulls us in so many different directions at once.

And this is especially the case for mothers will small children in the midst of toilet training.

Take time for yourself every now and again, and then you will have more of you, and the best of you, to share and give to the ones you love.

An excellent resource for additional information on the Potty Training process can be found at the following link:

The MayoClinic - Potty Training: How To Get The Job Done Right

There are of course many useful and well-organized sites such as the one provided above to give us clinical, factual guidance on many aspects of parenting, including tips on toilet training.

What this Preteen-Thru-Teenage-Parenting-Action-Guide seeks to do is to give you the ‘Why’ behind the advice we are given in these sites.

Here you will get the non-clinical, friend-next-door viewpoints that help to put all of the advice into perspective.

What we offer here are helps to point our minds to the end results of our thoughts, hopes and parental efforts.

We reveal the happy ending to the story while the struggle is still going on.

Potty Training Should Be A Positive And Fun Experience For Everyone!

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