I've Babied My 7 Year Old Daughter For Too Long

by Danielle
(Louisiana, USA)

Hi all!

I'm actually hoping to receive feedback and advice on this, especially if someone else has dealt with a similar situation.

I'm gonna start from the beginning but I'm gonna try to make it short.

My daughter is 7 yrs old. When she was 13 months old her father had an affair and we separated briefly and tried to make it work. When this happened she was all I had to keep me going.

We tried for 4 years to make our marriage work but it didn't.

I've always waited on her (my daughter):

- if she needed something to drink, I'd get it for her
- if she wanted to show me something, I'd stop what I was doing and go see
- when she cleans her room I help her.

Now she throws fits if I tell her "No" or try to make her do something on her own.

I've been dating this guy for 6 months now and because of how my daughter is it's putting a strain on our relationship.

We just moved into a townhouse and she's scared to be upstairs by herself. If I tell her to pick something up she acts like I've committed a sin and throws a fit.

She cries and she's dramatic and I guess I've been more of a friend than a mom for so long that I don't really even notice I'm doing so much for her until he (the man I'm dating) brings it to my attention.

Example: last night she put what she had left over from dinner in the fridge and left her napkins, cup etc on the table. I automatically cleaned up not thinking about what I was doing and it upset him. He's barely speaking to me at this point.

I know it will take time for me to break my habits as far as waiting on her hand and foot and it will take time to break her into being more independent.

He says she acts like I'm her maid.

Her father and I have been separated for 2 yrs and it was just me and her for a long time so I guess I just developed extremely bad habits as far as being "her maid".

She tends to talk back a lot and always wants to have the last word when you tell her something. I'm also working on her manners as far as "please" and "thank you" and "yes sir" and "yesd ma'am", something I've not enforced like I should have.

If anyone else has dealt with a similar situation how did you resolve it?

I'm looking for suggestions and feedback.

Thank you,
Danielle