Cookie Parenting Shows The Value Of Patience And Self-Control,
|
| "Strength comes from struggle; weakness from ease." B.C. Forbes (1880-1954) |
Cookie Parenting tells the story of 6 year old children, big and small cookies, and how lessons learned can be compared to our parenting efforts and results.
This is another example of how parenting lessons can be found almost everywhere in life; even in the crumbs of a child’s cookie.
The Experiment
Behavioral scientists conducted an experiment with 6 year old children to test their basic levels of Discipline and self-control, leading to eventual and firmly-based Childhood Self-Esteem.
Cookie Parenting will examine this experiment and see the parenting lessons that it uncovers.
The experiment begins by bringing 6 year old children into a room alone and sitting them at a table where there is a small cookie on a plate, a large cookie under a glass bowl, and a bell. The children are told that they can eat the small cookie whenever they like simply by ringing the bell. They are further told that if they wait until the adult comes back into the room (up to a 20 minute wait), they will be given the large cookie to eat.
It is a clever take on the classic delayed gratification experiment often conducted with small children. The child can have a small treat immediately, or delay immediate gratification for some better reward sometime later in the future.
The child is then left alone to ponder the possibilities and to do as they please.
The Results
The results of this experiment are quite interesting and will be related back to Cookie Parenting to teach some powerful parenting lessons.
The observation of the 6 year-old children clearly shows the children struggling to wait until the adult re-enters the room in order to get the obviously larger and better cookie.
This is significant as this child behavior clearly shows the first signs of discipline and self-control in 6 year-old children. In other words, by age 6 children already are able, at least in part, to control and discipline aspects of their attitudes and behaviors.
 |
Some children ate the small cookie immediately after ringing the bell.
Other children waited and waited, fidgeting in their seats and trying to look away from the treat right in front of them, only to ring the bell and eat the cookie once their resolve collapsed.
And yet some children fought their urges, using different methods such as counting or singing to themselves, or closing their eyes and resting their heads on the table until the adult re-entered the room to reward them with the better prize.
Theses results are immediately revealing in that all children grow and progress at different rates and ages. Some children were able to wait and some either could not, or choose not to wait.
Whatever it was that each child choose, the common denominator is that ALL of these children are GOOD children, and their choices did not change that fact one single bit. Every child is innately good; we simply must help them to keep that goodness by helping them to make proper choices in life. Choosing to eat a cookie or choosing to wait is NOT a life choice of consequence; it simply illustrates some important points.
Wise parents need to keep this always in mind as your own child will not change in any behavioral aspect from one moment to the next. They will, as did the children in this experiment, struggle and fight to do what they instinctively understand is the right (or more desirable) thing to do, but will have a difficult time as their young emotions are slowly mastered with the child’s growing reason, discipline and self-control.
These life changes in children happen over time; slowly, almost imperceptibly.
Parents need to be patient with their children and expect many setbacks and false starts along the path to eventual self-mastery and success. After all, we parents are not yet perfect either; it’s all a work in process.
Cookie Parenting Ramifications
It is now time to look at the Cookie Parenting ramifications of the above experiment.
We parents, like these 6 year-old children, have choices placed before us on a daily basis.
Our parenting choices are not as clearly defined as that described above. Unlike the above example, our choices DO have ramifications in life; in our own lives AND in the lives of our children.
Cookie Parenting means that we need, from time to time, to sacrifice things we as parents may want now, in order to produce a better parenting result for our children both now and later.
Principles such as delayed gratification, discipline and self-control do not come with expiration dates on them.
Cookie Parenting requires parents to be unselfish with their time and emotions. It is at such times that Parenting Magic is most likely to occur.
This is not an easy thing to do in a world that is so very selfish and “Me” centered as the one we currently live in.
When your child needs help; take the time to be there for them – even if your favorite TV show or sporting event is on.
Take time to play games with your children, even if you would rather do something else.
Don’t rush your children when they want to share with you how their day went, or how their school went, or what they learned today, or whatever.
Cookie Parenting requires parents to remember that OUR needs and wants must often wait for the better choices we can and should make for our family and children.
Just as the 6 year-old children struggled to wait, we too as parents may at times struggle to sacrifice good activities of our own choosing for better activities that our children need now, which will lead to better parenting results both now and later.
This is not to say that parents should never say ‘No’ to their children. Children should have limits placed on them and parents need to always be the parent.
YET,
Ask yourself if you as a parent can or should be sacrificing more now (And no, throwing money at your children is not a true sacrifice nor a worthwhile activity).
Ask yourself if there are ways that you as the parent can or should be less selfish with your time to better serve and more fully benefit your children and family.
Delayed parental gratification for better future family outcomes is always a wise and timely decision to make, and is always the right thing to do.
There is a lot more parenting wisdom to share. Here is another Cookie Parenting thought: Children learn best by following the example of their parents, so lead by example with discipline and self-control so your children will know how to successfully navigate the challenges of life at any time, for any reason, over and over again.
Return from the Cookie Parenting Page to the Child Behavior Page
 |