Child Custody Agreements Legally Define How Parents Share The Parenting Duties And Rewards Even When They Are No Longer Parenting Together

Child Custody Agreements are legal and binding documents that divorced parents (who will now be practicing Divorce Parenting) agree upon in Joint Custody arrangements to specify the respective rights, duties and rewards of each parent in the new shared parenting relationship.

I say ‘rewards’ as these agreements often specify which holidays the children will spend with their mom, which holidays will be spent with dad, how the free time of summer is to be allocated; all of which should be viewed as a parental reward to a parent who cherishes special times and special moments spent with their children.

The real rewards come as you see your children living healthy and happy and responsible lives, something I like to call Parenting Magic.

This Child Custody Agreement page will first look at the general make-up and common contents of such agreements, and will end with my thoughts and analysis of the same.

For those of you who have never seen a Child Custody Agreement, there are many forms and versions of them to be found on the web.

These agreements are cookie-cutter in nature, giving a general outline of what is involved. The hard work comes when you and your ex-spouse somehow come to terms with what the actual terms and conditions of the agreement will be, keeping in mind what is Actually AND Literally in the best interest of the children you both love.

A Child Custody Agreement is worked on once the Child Custody issue has been legally decided upon as being a Joint Custody Arrangement.

At this point both parents set down and work out the details of how that Joint Custody is going to play out in actual parenting practice.

These agreements specify both physical and legal custody issues, who has power to make medical and educational decisions for the children, how much time will be spent with each parent and when, how much time the children will spend communicating with Parent A while residing with Parent B, and any other matters of significant importance regarding your children that you feel essential to put down and agree upon in writing.

There are no ‘one size fits all’ Child Custody Agreements, and this is the time to be creative and specific with what you want to see put into this document: the sky is the limit.

If you can write it down and if it can be agreed upon by both parents then it is in.

Those items most often included and agreed upon in a Child Custody Agreement, and a good way to get a great idea about what they are all about, are listed below:

• Where children will spend birthdays and Holidays, or how these dates will be shared and/or rotated
• Which parent will be the Primary Residence parent
• How information regarding a child’s physician, dentist and other healthcare information and documents are to be shared between parents
• How many times in a week the non-residential parent can speak to their children, for what durations, and without interference or interruptions from the residential parent
• How and where and at what times children will be transported between each parent’s place of residence
• Agreements regarding the peaceful visitation rights of each parent
• Agreements not to hurt, harm or interfere with each parent’s right to form a loving and healthy parent-child relationship with each child in the relationship
• Who will be primarily responsible for the day-to-day parenting decisions that need to be made, what constitutes an event that requires communication with and prior approval by the other parent, and what constitutes events that must be dealt with be either parent in an immediate and autonomous fashion
• How major disagreements or disputes regarding any significant parenting matter are to be resolved and/or mediated before needing to bring said matter back before the courts
• Any other matters that are specific and significant to your particular parenting and family experiences

Timeless Books - © Lin Pernille Photography

Talk about taking down the law books and writing a few of your own.

Yes these Child Custody Agreements can be detailed and lengthy, yet if they pave the way for your children to live in a safe, orderly, loving and consistent environment, no matter which residence they may be staying in on any particular day or night, then these agreements are worth all the effort put into them and more.

So what does this all mean to us as parents?

There are some obvious answers and some not-so-obvious answers, and of course, as you well know, I will touch upon both of these and probably more.

There are also many Effects of Single Parenting that you should be aware of.

That is because it is good for us as parents to hear the obvious from time to time, and if you are here at my website looking for parenting answers then it is the least I can do.

Hearing the good and the bad helps us to remember what we are doing right (so we can pat ourselves on the shoulder every now and again and congratulate ourselves), as well as helps us to think of what we are doing wrong, the results to ourselves and to our children of those wrong choices or actions, and hopefully a reason to change what we are doing and be better people and better parents in the future.

So, back to the implications of a Child Custody Agreement for us as Parents and for the children we love . . .

If you are not divorced then you don’t have to deal with making or abiding by these agreements – congratulate yourself, really!

If you are divorced and have joint custody of your children, then your Child Custody Agreement puts a lot of balance and certainty into your parenting world – for the most part you know what to expect and when and how as regards to your children and your ex-spouse.

Also, if you have joint custody with your ex-spouse then you at least gave your children a quality mother or father to help raise them, as joint custody is a privilege only given to quality parents.

The more certainty there is in your parenting the more normal your life and your children’s life can be, and the more energy you can have for those parenting curveballs that life inevitably throws at us.

And now for the REALLY OPINIONATED part of our show . . .

If you are now able to work with your ex-spouse and agree on so many parenting matters regarding so many varied parenting issues as witnessed by your successful Child Custody Agreement, then why couldn’t you do all that agreeing and working together bit while you were still married, at least until the children were all 18 years old and legally grown up?

(Before I get hit with a ton of hate mail, believe me that I am NOT being insensitive here. I do understand that things happen in life and some divorces are necessary and justified. I do get it – I REALLY DO)

It’s only that too many divorces can and should be avoided if parents really, really wanted to do what’s BEST for their children, and I have some excellent and rational reasons for saying so (all at no extra charge).

The primary, bottom-line reason for most divorce is selfishness.

A spouse is unfaithful, lies about finances or other matters, abuses drugs or alcohol, loses their temper and becomes abusive: the common denominator to all of this is selfishness.

Now some simple and harmless selfishness (NEVER the harmful types as mentioned above) may have its time and place in a marriage, maybe, but that time and place would be BEFORE there are children within said marriage.

Once parents have children then they no longer have the right to be selfish because parental selfishness WILL ALWAYS harm their children (only about 100% of the time).

SO if there are no major, life-threatening issues occurring in a marriage, what is best for the children is to be raised in a two parent home by two quality parents who both love them.

This mean that parents will have to put up with a spouse they don’t like or may need to learn to like. This is unselfish parental behavior that is in the best interest of the children.

Also, keep in mind that you lose control of your children and their safety in a divorce situation where a Child Custody Agreement states your ex-spouse gets to be ALONE with the children away from your protective influence for extended periods of time.

This fact alone should make sober parents pause and reconsider their options.

But once again, I really do understand that divorce happens and if it has happened to you, and if you are now dealing with Child Custody Agreement issues, AND if you are here reading this website then your children are very fortunate to have you as a parent.

You are looking for better ways to parent your children since you are thinking about their welfare and you want to be the best parent that you can be.

Like I said before, your children are lucky to have you and you will be blessed more than you already are.

It is only that your friends won’t tell you the hard things I tell you here, and if you are only looking for that which you already agree with or which won’t challenge you to be a better parent, then what is the point of looking for parenting advice?

You don’t need to be my friend, but if I can somehow help you to see how to be a better parent to those children of yours who need you so much, then mission accomplished!

Child Custody matters involve the parents, the courts, and the best interests of the children. Child Custody Agreements formalize these and other agreed-upon child custody issues in a legal and binding manner.

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