Attachment Disorder Occurs When Normal Early Childhood Attachments Are Never Formed, Thus Altering A Child’s View Of Life And Their Place Within It

Attachment Disorder, also commonly known as Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), is a very real illness.

This disorder has its genesis in a mother/child disconnect starting at birth and going through the Parenting Toddler phase of child development, but the impact of RAD can often be felt throughout a child's lifetime and in some cases even into the generations to come.

These are terms that are used to describe many different disorders of mood, behavior and social relationships manifested in the life of a child suffering from this disorder, all of which can be traced to the failure of two people, a mother and her child, from forming a normal, loving and caring bond with and between each other within the first two years of a child’s life.

This is a disorder that is dealt with predominantly by Foster Parents and parents of adoptive children older than the age of two years old, though it can happen to any child who did not form normal attachments to its primary care giver, most naturally its mother but theoretically with whomever had the primary care responsibility over an infant up to the age of three.

Of course if the child was shuttled from one primary care giver to another in a chaotic and unstable first two years of life, this can certainly lead to Attachment Disorder forming as well.

Please note that this is a disorder occurring within a relationship and predominantly between birth and two years of age.

In other words, every child who suffers from Attachment Disorder or RAD is to a large degree originally an innocent victim of a mother who could not or would not provide the necessary love, support, protection and natural bonding EVERY child needs within the first few years of life to feel safe and secure and bonded to someone who loves them in a world that feels safe to them.

After all, an infant has no capacity or responsibility for anything within the first few years of life, so what could they have done to change the way they were treated during the first few years of their young and tender life?

This is a disorder caused by neglect and abuse on the part of a parent or primary caregiver, an adult, and affects to a core level the way such an infant sees, interprets and relates to life and the adults who inhabit the harsh and unsafe world these children have been taught from their earliest moments to understand as their own.

Attachment Disorder leads to Temper Tantrums and many other negative and disruptive Child Behaviors.

The truth is, children with Attachment Disorder do have bad attitudes and other negative behavioral problems, such as out-of-control anger and destructive outbursts directed towards parents, teachers, and others. If you are looking for additional help so your child can learn to overcome and move past these issues, we recommend this Simple, Step-by-Step Program for parents to help their children in ways they never imagined possible. This is the only program of its kind that we recommend because it works. You can try it as part of a Free Offer today!

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There are logical reasons why this disorder causes these reactions and there are definite attitudes and understandings that a concerned Parent can consider to better deal with a most difficult and frustrating Parenting challenge such as what occurs in these situations.

Let me begin by saying that any Parent of a child who suffers from Attachment Disorder (RAD) is in line for a Parental Medal of Honor, and in line for one of the most challenging yet potentially rewarding Parental experiences imaginable.

In most cases you are not the one who caused the problem yet you are the one volunteering to do what you can to repair the mess and fix what’s broken where possible.

Be sure that in all cases you protect those children within the home who have not been neglected of a healthy, normal and loving early childhood bonding experience with a loving parent or parents.

It makes no sense to save another and to lose your own.

And secondly, keep in mind that this is an emotional disorder and not a physical disorder; physical force, compulsion and dominion over such a child will never serve to create the trust needed to change the problems driving a child who suffers from RAD.

Are you with me so far?

This is quite a Parenting challenge we are delving into here.

Let’s dip into our Parental courage and look a bit deeper into this important and complex Parental topic.

Free child looking out a window with reflection stock photo Creative Commons © Pink Sherbet Photography

In a nutshell, Attachment Disorder is caused by the failure of an adult, most always the mother whose primary duty is to love, protect, care for and bond with her baby, to properly bond with and protect her baby within the first two years of life.

Note: The time can be longer than the first two years, but as relates to this disorder the first two years are the most critical ones.

An infant destined for Attachment Disorder has learned through neglect and abuse that the world is a hard and dangerous place, and that adults cannot be trusted to take care of your needs, to love and comfort you, and in short: Adults just plain can’t be trusted for anything.

Healthy mother-child attachment occurs when a baby has needs (she is hungry, is dirty, needs mental stimulation, or so forth), the baby cries, the mother meets her baby’s needs, and the baby over time learns to trust her mother and the other loving adults in her life that prove time and time again that they are there to care for, watch after and protect the baby in the safe world the adults have created for their baby whose needs are lovingly and consistently met.

Attachment Disorder occurs when the baby cries due to a need, but the mother or primary caregiver does not meet the baby’s need time and time and time again, so the baby learns that adults are mean, undependable, and that the world is a hard and unforgiving place in which to live.

Over time and all too soon, this baby grown toddler quickly learns to meet their own needs by whatever way possible, and rage and anger build up inside of this child who is living without the support and love from those who are the adults in its life.

Adults are viewed as the enemy (a true statement for this child and its reality relating to adults) and the only protection for this child of neglect is in the protection the child can find on its own.

Control becomes a HUGE issue, since only by controlling its environment can these children find safety since no adult is going to love and protect them, as has been proven to them time and time again.

These children of Attachment Disorder literally have had their mental wires crossed and re-wired in unhealthy and unloving ways from their very birth: It’s all they have ever known and that is how they now see life.

It is not how they wish to see life; it is how they MUST see life in order to survive based on the ‘mental rewiring’ that abuse and neglect have left them with.

These children cannot form attachments or trust a Parent figure due to the very nature of what they have gone through, and what life has been for them from their earliest memories.

These are not forces and experiences you just ‘get over’ in a month or in a year or in many years.

Once again, these children are physically fine, it is their emotions and their minds that are affected and in need of rehabilitation.

Force will not work to help a child to trust you.

That is what makes Parenting a child suffering with Attachment Disorder so difficult and painful.

You want to show them that they are now safe and loved, and yet they can’t accept this and fear to get close to any Parent figure in the same way someone who is afraid of the water has a fear of drowning.

Parenting of this sort requires faith, love, patience, acceptance, guidance, proof of your commitment and steadiness to the child, and lots and lots of time.

If there were to be a theme song to Attachment Disorder Parenting, my vote would be Let It Be by the Beatles.

Not in the sense of accepting the negative behaviors associated with RAD, which includes but are not limited to:

• Control battles
• The defiance and the anger
• Resisting Parental Affection
• Lack of eye contact, or being able to look you in the eye and tell you lies straight to your face.
• Lack of conscience and remorse (learned by those who never showed it to them as infants).
• Poor peer relationships
• Stealing
• Lack of self-control and impulse control
• Issues relating to food – hording, gorging, hiding food and eating strange things
• Fascination with blood, gore, fire, weapons
• Damaging personal property
• Distrust
• Despair
• Irresponsibility
• Learning disorders

The list could go on and on: these are children with most of the worst issues a child can suffer from and inflict on others.

Itrane Sahara © Elosoenpersona

These are children who view their world as deserts; barren places where if they don’t find a way to survive the harsh conditions on their own, they feel they most likely won’t survive at all.

For children suffering from Attachment Disorder, there never seems to be enough water to satisfy the thirst or to relieve the stresses and uncertainties of a desert world they may not currently be living in, but from which they cannot seem to find the way to escape from.

It must be remembered that based on the early and horrific experiences these children went through from the earliest of ages, this way of viewing the world is rational and honest and real to them.

It has become a part of who they now are; like it or not.

These children are not the enemy as they want to be happy too, but simply don’t yet know how.

So the Attachment Disorder Parenting theme song suggested earlier of Let It Be refers perhaps to a Parent’s expectations of the way things are going to be between them and this child, or between their family and this child, or even between the world and this child.

Perhaps it is to realize that despite all the love you can give, and despite the best and safest of current home life and conditions, some hurts cannot be repaired or undone in the way we hope they would be, or in the time frame we would hope it to be in.

Some hurts heal slowly, and some scars never go away fully.

So does this mean you stop trying to be a great parent to these children?

Of course not.

But be realistic with what you hope to accomplish, and how you hope to accomplish it, and how quickly you hope to see it accomplished.

That is why I say and will continue to say that force will not work here.

Adding hurt to hurt never made a wound heal.

Do demand that all children who live under your roof abide by your Family Rules and Expectations for happy, safe and sane family living.

The best thing to do is the lasting thing to do, and that is to consistently show love and acceptance to the child with RAD while demanding that behaviors and attitudes conform to proper and social norms and rules of acceptable family conduct.

Talk openly and honestly to a child with RAD and make sure they understand that they are loved unconditionally, and yet their attitudes and behaviors must be such that the family can live in peace and function normally with them still in the picture.

Once again, protect your own children at all costs, and never allow ‘the one’ to break up and disperse the many.

There are no clean or easy answers to this most difficult Parenting situation.

As with most things within this Preteen Thru Teenage Parenting Action Guide, I have skipped the long lists of ‘To Do’ and ‘Don’t Do’ that other web sites offer you, and instead have attempted to relate to this topic and have attempted to break this subject down into what it means to you, the concerned Parent who already has read those lists a hundred times before, and who knows through sad and personal experiences how Attachment Disorder and RAD affects a child’s attitudes and behaviors.

If you are left with more questions than answers, and yet are now considering different aspects of this issue, or the same aspects in a new light; if you now have more food for thought as you ponder how to best Parent in this situation, then you have been well served to have read this page, and I am humbled in the process.

The truth to proper parenting is that there are no easy answers; no ‘one size fits all’ solutions to our Parenting dilemmas.

Good Parenting requires lots of thought and creative ways of looking at and dealing with our Parenting issues; and that is what we present to you here.

May you think long and ponder, struggle with what will work for you and your unique family wants and needs, and improve your parenting abilities and contributions every time you go through this essential Parenting process.

Attachment Disorder Can Be Overcome With Parental Love, Will, Desire, Creativity, Patience, And In Some Rare Cases, With A Quality Digital Camera.

Look For The Key To Your Own Attachment Disorder Miracle Today.

Parents, Find The Wisdom And The Patience, In The Way That Is Right For You And For Your Unique Situations And Family Challenges, To Simply And Appropriately “LET IT BE”.

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